his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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