Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
