you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
