Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
