Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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