you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
