I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
