Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
