I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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