I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
