tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
