low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
