Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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