Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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