he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
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Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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