i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
