What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
