I'm drive I can fine osifer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
