dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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