Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
