Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
