Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
