I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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