Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
