i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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