They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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