Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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