your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can I color on your dick again?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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