He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
