I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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