i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
