She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
