Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
