My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
