I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Bring me that man meat
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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