no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
