there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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