Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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