Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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