In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
