I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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