Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
