Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
