i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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