the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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