Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am midnight drunk by noon
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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