She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can I color on your dick again?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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