so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
