Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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