There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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