i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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