A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
