I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
