he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
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Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
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This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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