i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
worst night to have a conscience
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
