You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
