I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
