i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
