I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's official drugs can't kill me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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