So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
