My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
