You're completely useless in the revolution.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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