strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
