My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
