So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
