Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
