Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
