I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
